“For with God nothing shall be impossible.”—Luke 1:37

Faith is one of the quintessential qualities that we need to have in this life. Christ showed His faith over and over again. What is faith? Faith is to hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb. 11:1; Alma 32:21) Why is Faith so important? For me, it seems my life has been filled with faith promoting experiences. I’m not sure if that is because I have a lot of faith, or I just need to practice and get better at having faith. I’m thinking the latter.
One of my best friends growing up was someone in my ward named Adam. He was always a friend when I needed someone. I am so happy that he married the sweetest girl. Her name is Julie and she is one tough woman. Julie shared with me her story and her testimony on Faith. Julie and Adam were married and had one son named Bridger, like most couples after a few years decided they were ready to grow their family again. As it turns out it didn’t come so easy.

“There are so many times in my life where my faith has been tested. Even to the point where I questioned if my Savior loved me. If He was aware of me. I felt forgotten. One particular time I remember, outside my window it was a beautiful sunny day, but inside my mine and heart it was dark and stormy. I was folding a freshly cleaned batch of laundry. As I folded the laundry I became lost in my thoughts of what had happened over the last 72 hours. I had lost another baby. This was #4. At the mere thought of it, my knees became weak and I collapsed against the side of my bed sobbing. I did not know what my Father in Heaven wanted me to learn from losing so many babies. My heart felt so broken. I cried so hard I could not catch my breath. I prayed. In my heart, I prayed. I prayed for peace. I prayed that my faith could be restored. I prayed that I might be able to feel happiness again. I prayed for my babies. I missed them. I longed to hold them. I prayed He would love them for me and keep them safe. I cried some more. After what felt like an hour of sobbing on the floor next to my bed, I started to calm down. I started to feel peace come over me. I felt like all was going to be okay. I got up off my knees and climbed onto my bed in between piles of folded laundry. I laid down and looked out my window at the white fluffy clouds passing gently by. Just then I felt a wave of emotion sweep over me as I felt something come over me saying “I am here. I love you.” I knew He had heard me and my cries. He felt my pain. He knew how I felt from His time in the Garden of Gethsemane. He had suffered there for me and had felt my loss and my grief. I knew I was not alone. I was not forgotten.”

As I read Julie’s words I cried. I had experienced my own infertility and miscarriage, and it was so beautiful to read her experience of Peace that she received from our Savior. President Spencer W. Kimball explained, “There must be works with faith. How foolish it would be to ask the Lord to give us knowledge, but how wise to ask the Lord’s help to acquire knowledge, to study constructively, to think clearly, and to retain things that we have learned” (Faith Precedes the Miracle) Like President Kimball said Faith is an action. It is not just a frame of thought, but we have to act on our faith. Julie chose to trust and have faith in the Savior.

“Fast forward 18 months and many struggles of infertility and not being able to get pregnant. After successfully finding a solution we were able to get pregnant! After a few weeks, my HCG levels were not increasing correctly and my doctor told me that I would probably lose this one as well. Five miscarriages. I was done. I went into a state of depression. Three weeks later I lost my first grandparent. I was in true despair. The infertility struggles, miscarriages, medical emergencies, and constant medical bills had started to build up stress. My only child had become fearful that if he got close to mama he would die too, because all of the other babies died. I was mortified. He would not let me hold him, hug him or kiss him. I could not touch him. It was awful. This was a whole new realm of depression that I did not think was even possible. I felt that I had had so much taken away from me as it was, but then my only child would not let me hug him? I went to therapy and my therapist knew what it was. She told me that he was afraid that he would die if he allowed himself to get close to me. I was the “angel of death” to him. He was only 4 years old. I felt like I had caused him so much pain and suffering and I just wanted to hold him and tell him he was safe and loved and nothing would happen to him, but he would not let me. One night, I knelt down in prayer pleading to my Heavenly Father for help. I knew He knew my Bridger better than I knew him. I knew He would know how I could help him the most as his earthly mother. I asked Him what His Heavenly Mother would do. I waited for an answer. Minutes went by and then the thought came to me. “Sing to him.” I began to cry. Just singing from across the room. Sing him his favorite songs. I told myself. 
Somewhere Over the Rainbow. I Am a Child of God. Silent Night. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

So I went into the living room where he was sitting and sat across the room on the floor. I began to sing. He looked up from the puzzle he was doing and just stared at me. He had no expression, but just stared. I continued to sing. He looked back down to his puzzle and continued doing it. Five minutes went by and after singing three songs I started to sing I Am a Child of God. His little hands stopped moving the pieces of puzzle and his chin started to quiver. I started to notice his face start to darken in color to red and suddenly big tears dropped from his eyes to the carpet. He di not make a sound. I kept singing. I wanted so badly to run over and grab him and hold him close. I waited and kept singing. He loked up at me with big tears rolling down his cheeks. My own eyes were brimming. He opened his mouth and all he could say through his tears was “Mom!” as he ran over to me. I could not express my gratitude enough to my Savior at that moment. Just to be able to hold my son and hug him and tell him that I love him. To feel his little arms around my neck—I knew my Savior loved me. He had blessed me with this beautiful and sensitive little boy. I knew that if I had faith and prayed to Heavenly Father that He would help guide me as a mom.”

Not only Julie, but her son had to exercise faith. I love what we have learned in the scriptures “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. “Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3–4). I have come to realize how true this is. My children have more faith than I could even imagine. In the last 18 months my daughter has gone through more than most do in a lifetime. She shows me her faith every day.

Not long after Julie learned that she was pregnant again. She and Adam were terrified. They didn’t know what would happen. They not only feared that she would miscarry again, but with one of her miscarriages she had hemorrhaged so bad that she was taken to the hospital by ambulance for an emergency D&C. Adam had told her that if this pregnancy did not take they that was the last time. He couldn’t lose her. They prayed to Heavenly Father and Julie was desperate for our Savior’s love and protection. She prayed that she could give her son a sibling. Julie did not lose her baby, but it was not an easy pregnancy. She had many complications: Placenta Previa, Partial Placenta Abruption, Gestational Diabetes, Gestational Thrombocytopenia, Polyhydramnios, pre-term labor, and a Macrosomic baby. Finally she held her baby in her arms. “Life was blissfully happy!”
“Live by Faith, Hold fast to Hope, and show compassion to one another.” – Jeffrey R. Holland
 “Two weeks after the birth of my second child, I developed mastitis. I was started on antibiotics, but within two hours spiked a fever of 105. Adam took me into the emergency room. There they checked my mastitis and confirmed something I thought only happened to everyone else and not me. I was going into septic shock. My blood pressure was 68/49 and was not responding to hydration. My heart rate was very high and I was becoming delusional. They started me on two aggressive antibiotics and admitted me to the hospital. I could not believe this was happening. I finally got my baby, the baby I had prayed for for four years. I was holding him in my arms nursing my two-week-old baby. A doctor came into my room and introduced himself to me and Adam saying he was with infectious disease. He then continued to tell me that the bacteria in my blood had never before been seen in human blood before. They had no idea what it was capable of. In other words, in the next 24 hours we will know if I make it or not. I fell apart. I was so emotional. I held my infant in my arms listening to a physician tell me that the possibility of my death in the next 24 hours was high (50%). Adam went silent. We had no idea if the antibiotics would be enough to save my life. I was in shock. I did not know what to say. I just kept looking at my infant and crying. All I wanted was to be a mom and now I might not get to raise my babies here on earth. I needed a blessing. I started to feel a panic attack coming on. I felt like I couldn’t breath. My life had felt so unfair over the last four years. Why me Lord? Why do I have to have this burden? I cannot do this! I cried. Adam called my Dad to come to help give me a blessing. I was so lethargic and weak. I almost do not remember my parents coming into the room. I was scared—everything seemed dull and dim. I prayed to my Heavenly Father to please allow me to live. To give me a second chance at life. I felt hot, my fever was 104.6. I remember first feeling my father’s hands on my head, then feeling my husband’s hand to give me a blessing. Everything became quiet and calm as the blessing was said. I was reassured that my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ were aware of me and my needs. I was blessed that my body would be able to fight off the bacteria, that the bacteria would respond to the antibiotics. I was blessed that I would have strength and courage to face each day. It would not be easy to heal, but I was blessed that I would be able to do it if I put my faith and trust in my Savior. So I did. Full heartedly and overwhelmingly I did. Holding my baby in my arms, I prayed to my Heavenly Father that I knew by Him All things were possible including this. That night my fever remained high. My blood pressure remained low and my heart rate remained high. By midmorning the next day, my fever started to come down a little and I started to respond favorably. I was not out of the woods, but it was a good sign. 

A little while later, I would develop swelling in my lungs and could not breath. They called a code-III trauma and within 2 minutes 15 people were in my room, working on me. They rushed me off to get a scan of my lungs while putting me on oxygen. It turns out that the sepsis had attacked my lungs and I was to be treated for that as well. I was discharged from the hospital five days later with Home Health nurses coming to my home. I had to inject myself 5 times a day with medications and had a PICC line placed for my antibiotics. After about two weeks of medications I started to feel better. I was very weak and had little strength, but I felt better. My fever was completely gone as was my mastitis. Now I had to heal and gain my strength back. I would later be diagnosed with post-sepsis syndrome (a form of PTSD). It is life-long and something I am still overcoming. However, my Savior’s love for me and my faith have been my saving grace while overcoming this. I know that with god, All things are possible. We can do all things with God. It has now been over a year since my sepsis and I have come far in my recovery. I still rely on my faith every day to get me through. I pray harder each day and I know my Heavenly Father and Savior hear my prayers. I have come to know them in such intimate ways through my trials. I know how much my Savior loves me. He loves me so much that He was willing to suffer for my sins and feel All of my sorrows and pains. All so that He would and could be my advocate. So that when I would be in the moment of pain and agony, I would have someone to turn to who could understand how it feels. He could empathize appropriately and envelope me in His loving grace through His sacrifice for me, His sister. There is no love greater than His. He has held me countless times over these recent years. Times when I needed hope and love. He gave me those in my time of need and will always do so if I let Him. I love my Savior. I love my Heavenly Father. Their love has no bounds or limits.”

I knew before I asked Julie for her help that she was an amazing person, but even more now, after learning more details of what she went through I feel so much love towards her. Not just what Julie went through, but that she has such a beautiful relationship with both Heavenly Father and our brother Jesus Christ.  Julie has been such an incredible example of faith and trust. No matter what we are going through we are not alone and we do have someone who has felt our pain and suffering.

“Doubt your doubts, before you doubt your Faith.” -Dieter F. Uchtdorf